by Angela Clark
Or has it?
Well yes, of course. On one hand, I have a newborn (who is actually one month and two days old, as I type this and pat her back to ease her discomfort from gas bubbles. When do we stop calling them newborns?) On the other hand, I can’t believe a month had already gone by and on the third hand (because this is yoga and there are eight) it seemed like a really long month.
I’ve often heard once you have a child you can’t ever imagine not having them and, yes, that is true for me. As the time passes, it seems like our little cashew has been around forever. Sure, I still remember how nice it was to be able to leave the house with just myself; how getting from point A to point B did not require so much stuff or logistical planning. I’m not complaining though. I’m don’t get ruffled by the logistics of life with baby (it feeds my need to plan and organize) and stuff is just stuff.
And, yes, even though my brain can not retain a single useful thought when it comes to getting things done (like pay bills on time), it’s also amazing to see how focused (on the baby, of course) it can be.
When I mentioned the above to my husband, he agreed and said, “Yeah, our lives have changed forever, but not really. She’s just filling in all the gaps.”
How beautifully put, I thought. What a positive way to look at life. Big changes happen to us all. It could be having a baby, moving to a new home, getting married, changing jobs, breaking up with a lover, this list could go on forever. And yes even the positive changes come with a mourning period. The loss of what was familiar and/or comfortable can be challenging to cope with, but we don’t have to live in that mourning period forever.
What we have to do is acknowledge it; see the “who” that is mourning and recognize our attachment to that identity. Then we “host”, as my teachers like to say, that “who”, that identity, and we embrace it with love, compassion, equanimity and kindness. Once embraced there is the chance for dissolution, and the ability to see changes. We are able to see the person we were, as well as the person we are now.
So, yes. My life has changed forever. But aren’t our lives always changing forever?